When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
