Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
