Yo dont text me then not text me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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