I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
