I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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