I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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