so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
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