either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
