They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
