Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
