Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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