This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
