Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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