I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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