He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
