I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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