I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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