u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Barsexuality is the new black.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
