well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
