tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
