I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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