HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
