the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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