Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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