He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
