Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
