i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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