in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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