i think my tv is drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
