Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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