Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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