Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
