Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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