Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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