You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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