I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
