Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
