Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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