I heard we made out
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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