For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
