You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
