is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Less talking, more tequila
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
