I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
