I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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