All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
