dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
