I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
