Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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