I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
