Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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