my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
