I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When did we convert life to cartoon?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
