im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
